I saw a real dead person. It was where I used to live, at the market in Kaneshie. An orange lady got hit by a trotro, nobody even saw it coming. I pretended like all the oranges rolling everywhere were her happy memories and they were looking for a new person to stick to so they didn’t get wasted.

At breaktime I just play suicide bomber or zombies. Suicide bomber is when you run at the other person and crash them as hard as you can. If the other person falls over you get a hundred points. If they just move but don’t fall over it’s ten points. One person is always the lookout because suicide bomber is banned. If the teacher catches you playing you’ll get a detention.

Zombies is just acting like a zombie. You get extra points for accuracy.

Grandpa Solomon says scissors actually beats rock because in the end the rock is so tired from all the chooks that it falls apart. Anybody who says rock beats scissors is just too lazy to wait until the end.

I like their orange feet and the way their heads move when they’re walking like they’re listening to invisible music.

In England bird shit is good luck. Everybody agrees.

The best bit is running in the rain. If you point your face up to the sky at the same time as running, it nearly feels like you’re flying. You can close your eyes or you can keep them open, it’s up to you. I like both. You can open your mouth if you want. The rain just tastes like water from the tap except it’s quite warm. Sometimes it tastes like metal.

Before you start running, find an empty bit of the world with nothing in the way. No trees or buildings and no other people. That way you won’t crash into anything. Try to go in a straight line. Then you just run as fast as you can. At first you’re scared of crashing into something but don’t let it put you off. Just run. It’s easy. The rain on your face and the wind makes it feel like you’re going superfast. It’s very refreshing.

Colour Theory teaches you about using different colours to mean different moods or to tell a story. The colours tell them what you felt like inside. It doesn’t need a shape, it can just be colours. It doesn’t have to look like anything.

Grown-ups love sad news, it gives them something special to pray for. That’s why the news is always sad.

I love all the birds, not just pigeons. I love them all.

Sellotape can do lots of different detective jobs. You can catch fingerprints in it or hairs. You can use it to make traps. You can stick your notes down so they don’t blow away. You can even catch the criminals themself if you have enough, like if you made it into a spiderweb. Only it would take all the sellotape in the world to hold a fully grown person.

— The only friends a man needs, his bat and his drink. One to get what you want, the other to forget how you got it. You’ll see what I mean one day. Just stay good for as long as you can, eh? Just stay the way you are.

Mr. Frimpong is the oldest person from church. That’s when I knew why he sings louder than anybody else: it’s because he’s been waiting the longest for God to answer. He thinks God has forgotten him.

People who don’t follow God are called non-believers. They’re lost in the dark and they can’t feel anything, they’re just empty inside like a robot with the wires taken out. When something good happens they don’t even feel it and they don’t even know when they do something bad. Asweh, it must be very boring.

Dear fucking God, please stop all the bad shit happening. Thanks a fucking lot. Amen.

Having a girlfriend is easy. You just hold hands sometimes. That’s your only duty. The rest of the time you can just have fun like normal.

When there’s a star on a flag it stands for freedom. The star points in all directions, it means you can go anywhere you want. That’s why I love stars, because they stand for freedom.

In England they celebrate summer coming by everybody opening their windows wide up and putting their music on proper loud. It’s a tradition.

Always tell a dog good boy when he does something good.

A plastic tree is only a lie if it pretends to be a real tree, if you know it’s plastic then it can’t be a lie.