Amy Gahran, “Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life”

Hierarchy as basement

Hierarchy is so broadly assumed in mainstream culture that people often don’t consciously acknowledge how they rank the people in their life. However, there are clues to this tendency, such as when people feel obliged to justify it when they prioritize a relationship in an unconventional way.

For instance, when a person has an Escalator partner, yet opts to bring a friend as their +1 guest to an important event, they’d probably volunteer an explanation for this deviation from expected behavior: “My spouse is away on business, but my friend wanted to come.” In contrast, few people might feel similarly obliged to justify bringing their spouse, rather than a friend, as a +1 guest.