Amy Gahran, “Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life”

Assumptions

It can seem much simpler to assume that as long as an intimate relationship looks a certain way, then it should meet people’s needs and make them happy. Sticking to popular patterns of relating generally supports such assumptions.

In contrast, not making lots of assumptions about how relationships work can seem like an onerous burden. Clear, frank, discussion of what intimate partners each truly want or need in life (or within a specific relationship), and negotiating how to customize relationships in light of this information, is sometimes viewed not normal — and perhaps even risky or threatening.