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Amy Gahran, “Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life”
Secure poly relationship

My partner M. and I are life-entangled. We live together, have shared finances and investments, and expect to stay together for the long term. We are also poly, and we each have other relationships.

I have two other partners. My girlfriend J. and my partner D. are both not life-entangled, but emotionally important to me. J, D and I are also in a triad.

My life-entangled partner has two girlfriends and one occasional play partner. He also has roughly twice-a-month dates with each of his girlfriends, and “when they can schedule it in” dates with his play partner. Both of his girlfriends are currently only dating him, I believe. But they are open to other relationships, and have had other relationships in the past, while dating M.

This structure has been stable for a number of years. M and I have been together for almost 15 years. J, D and I have been together for over five years. M has been with one girlfriend for nearly six years. M’s other relationships have each lasted for approximately two years.

I feel more secure in my poly relationship since I have multiple people to go to for support. I’m also able to explore attractions to new people without fear of losing my life-entangled partner. I have the security of knowing that even though my partner may be interested in other people, they are actively choosing to stay with me as well.

The way we’re living is pretty damn awesome for us.

— Liz